The ABCs of Building Good Working Relationships

Working relationships can be challenging and impact significantly the work environment and level of productivity. The following are a set of hints to help build healthy working relationships regardless of the work setting.

Acknowledge that some conflicts are inevitable. Differences in personalities, the stress of work, multiple responsibilities, tension at home, irritable coworkers, insecurities, even fatigue from the normal pressures of life can contribute to misunderstandings. Recognize that these difficulties exist and work to minimize their influence on your working relationships.

Be careful to create an environment that averts potential problems. Start off meetings with clients and colleagues by establishing a rapport that says, "We are in this thing together." Show yourself to be an advocate rather than an adversary during your first few minutes together. After the customary introductions ask how things are going and address concerns in a timely manner.

Communication takes many forms. Verbal and nonverbal communication – facial expressions, tone of voice, stance, and general demeanor each give a monumental message. Take a quick inventory of the message you convey. Do you project concern for the other person's needs? A warm smile can be one of your best assets. Give others your full attention.

Determine that each meeting will be a learning experience. By its very nature business meetings are an exploration into the unknown. Variables arise and as a result no business project is perfect. Recognize this and look for opportunities to problem solve and fine-tune together. The team approach helps usurp an adversarial relationship.

Establish a healthy atmosphere by projecting a positive mental attitude. Sure, you may feel overwhelmed by your assignment, angry your boss left you extra work or frustrated by a nagging headache, but these are of little interest to others. They are looking for a demeanor which conveys trustworthiness. A smile, a word of affirmation, and a focus on constructive issues will help them place their attention on the positive aspects of work.

Formulate an alliance with others. Get on their side and help them find answers to their concerns. Once they have expressed their needs, work with them to find viable outcomes. Acknowledge your understanding of each problem expressed (even if you do not agree that they are valid). You can then move on to find solutions.

Give careful thought to the possible reasons behind complaints. The real issue may not be what is initially conveyed. Unreasonable demands may be due to a number of things. A person may feel isolated, fearful of the unknown, overwhelmed by the challenges of their job or resentful that they have little corporate support. We are not expected to resolve all the emotional or professional hurdles of others but we should be aware such problems exist and provide an environment of support for them.

Help our colleagues save face. Frequently a rude comment or unnecessary criticism is a cry of frustration. Once the crisis is over, be able to forgive and forget. No one needs to "win" or "lose." The focus should be on building a healthy work environment.

Initiate problem-solving techniques. Simple methods such as helping to identify problems, compiling a list of possible solutions, and selecting the best plan of action will put you in alliance with others. People with numerous questions or unsolved issues often find making a list of questions helpful. They can then determine who to ask and when your questions will be addressed.

Justifying your actions or those of others is not necessary. Defensiveness is divisive. Focus on listening and problem solving. Who is right is generally of little importance. The person who listens 85% of the time and talks 15% is in a position to sum up stated needs and help others talk through possible solutions. Primary importance should be on what can be done now to ensure that issues are resolved.

Know it's the situation, not you that others are attacking. Your job is to provide the level of productivity you know is appropriate in a congenial and supportive way. If others are rude, demanding or have multiple complaints, don't take it personally. Assume they are dealing with tough personal issues and their actions are an expression of frustration. Chances are you are not the only one being treated this way.

Let others know you are sorry for difficulties that occur. Don't be afraid to sympathize with them over an inconvenience or unhappy incident even if it is beyond your control. The poorly designed software for your project will leave many unanswered questions. Acknowledge this weakness and work together to find solutions.

Make every effort to let others know the reasons for what you are doing. People respond favorably when they understand the purpose and plan for a procedure. Explaining the rationale for required procedures or processes will help overcome objections and cause people to be more cooperative, compliant and content.

Never blame others regardless of who's at fault. It may be appropriate to sympathize over a difficult situation but never place blame. You do not have all of the facts and what you say may come back to haunt you. Comments tend to become exaggerated as they are passed along.

Observe the principles of Transactional Analysis. This system of explaining interpersonal communication teaches that people talk and act in one of three ways; as if they are adults, children or parents. It is not unusual for someone who is upset to act like a child, complaining and whining. The professional who takes the role of an adult will respond to them in an objective manner and not fall prey to childish manipulation. In the same way one who plays the role of parent, dictating orders to others, will not be able to intimidate the restrained, mature adult. Understanding the roles people play can be helpful in providing the emotional support they need.

People respond well to those who are genuinely concerned. Most potential conflicts dissolve when people understand that someone sincerely cares about them. Concern must be authentic and expressed through your general disposition. When you see a co-worker ask yourself, "How would I treat them if they were a friend in this situation?"

Quietly project a demeanor that colleagues are equals. The person who takes a condescending attitude or who is overly defensive does little to foster the spirit of cooperation. Mutual respect is essential for building an effective working partnership.

Remain in control of your emotions. Any sign of anger or teary emotion removes your image of being a competent, objective professional. Give others the security of knowing you will remain strong and confident even during the most difficult of circumstances.

Some people are just plain contentious. There is nothing you can do to help them. Recognize this and don't be threatened by it. Do your best to make them comfortable but don't feel guilty if you are unable to resolve a lifetime of pugnacity.

Take time to do the "little extra" things. Find answers to questions in a timely manner and provide both a verbal and written response. Make sure visitors to the office have sufficient and comfortable work space, and that there is plenty of coffee on hand during meetings. Small thoughtful gestures can greatly influence the overall climate of the work environment.

Understand the importance of humor. The intensity of an otherwise difficult situation can be lessened by a moment of laughter. Enjoy each person for the unique qualities they possess.

Very few problems are without solutions. Not every problem can be resolved immediately but you can start by identifying problems, noting possible outcomes, and determining procedures or people who can bring resolution. This is 90% of the work. You can then follow up on areas that require additional attention.

When possible, guide others to reasonable solutions. People often have mixed feelings or draw inaccurate conclusions about a situation. Ask questions and make frequent summary statements that will lead them to a logical and workable conclusion.

X-plore the insights of others. Talk with people in your office, read books and peruse articles from a variety of sources. Look for ideas and approaches for dealing with unusual situations. Fresh perspectives can provide a new approach you might not have otherwise considered.

You are the key to effective problem solving. People will generally live up to your expectations. People have an uncanny ability to respond to both our conscious and unconscious comments and actions. If you assume most people want to be logical, cooperative and mature they will try their best to live up to your expectations. If you presume most people are negative, full of complaints and demanding, you can anticipate that most people will be this way as well.

Zero in on specific needs. This is after all, why you are here. It is easy to become so busy completing tasks that you forget about the individual concerns of the people with whom you are working. Determining present and potential areas of need and how to deal with them should be an automatic part of your plan.

Building good working relationships is not always easy. It is an art that requires constant fine tuning and practice. The insights listed above are designed as tools to help you be more effective in dealing with even the most difficult situations.